


Not Exactly the Conflict You Had In Mind

by wargoddess



Series: Alliance [4]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 19:05:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1480678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wargoddess/pseuds/wargoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They’re so boring since they started fucking on the regular."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Exactly the Conflict You Had In Mind

**Author's Note:**

> From a prompt on Tumblr a la joasakura: "Dante/Vergil, conflicting devil arms". Set in the Alliance universe post-"Negotiation".

"Don’t be absurd, Brother," Vergil said.  His tone was indulgent rather than truly scolding, and he sat easily in his ornate high-backed chair, paring his nails with a small knife.  "Mine’s longer."

"Yeah, but mine’s got more girth."  Dante grinned back from his sprawl, one leg draped over the arm of a similar chair, chin propped on a fist.  "That part _matters_ , y’know.”

Before them, in the open throne chamber, two demons circled one another.  The taller of the two was an elegant blue-haired creature, slim and haughty, with nails the length of his fingers peeking below the sleeves of his formal haori.  The other stood yawning, mouth uncovered as his forked tongue curled free to lap the air.  Shorter than the blue demon, this demon was indeed broader in the shoulder — a fact emphasized by the fat looping chain that draped his tattered red leather jacket like a metal shawl.  It was not obvious that the demons were squaring off, since the blue one seemed lost in contemplation and the red one looked bored.  Only the gathering glow of power around each, and the wary backing-away of the throne room’s guard-demons, warned of impending violence.

"That," continued Vergil, "is untrue, Brother.  A two-by-four has _girth_.  What matters is the skill of the wielder, ultimately.”

"Well, yeah.  _I_ could work goddamn miracles with a two-by-four.  You, though?”  Dante snorted.  “That’d be too rough for your delicate hands.”

Vergil’s gaze slid left to pin Dante; he stopped paring his nails.  “You should know by now, Dante, that there’s no such thing as _too rough_ , for me.”

Dante’s smile widened only a little, but somehow showed many more teeth.  He shifted in his throne, minutely, but suddenly his sprawl was a blatant invitation, and there was more than one kind of challenge in his voice as he said, “Prove it.”

Vergil let out a little sigh and put his paring knife away.  Then there was a blur, and a grunt, and a low wicked laugh, and abruptly the two men were gone, leaving only the faint scents of brimstone and lust in their wake.

Rebellion and Yamato turned to regard the now-empty thrones.  “Fucking _really_?”  Rebellion shook his head.

Yamato sighed.  “It is always thus.”

"God, we’re _never_ gonna finish this.  They’re so _boring_ since they started fucking on the regular.”  Rebellion stretched, yawning again.  “Shit.  Chess again, then?”

"Perhaps Go this time."

"Eh, okay."  They turned and headed for the door at a matching pace.  "Hey, I like your hair today.  Do you do anything special for that shine?"

"I rinse it in molten lapis lazuli," Yamato said, with a practiced no-handed hairflip.  "Have you polished your chains lately?"

"Yeah, they were getting gross, so I hit ‘em with some WD-40.  The humans have finally learned how to make complex hydrocarbons! Clever little monkeys. Yo, you want to go for a burger after the game?"

"Yes.  There is a new place I heard of — free-range kobe beef, gluten-free rice flour buns, kale chips, locally sourced potatoes for the fries. Phantom says it is ‘to die for.’"

"Really?  You know, I’ve never really liked rice flour GF. Nobody makes potato flour stuff anymore; the hell’s up with that?"

They left, still talking, and in the wake of the departure of all four, the throne room’s guard-demons let out a long-suffering sigh.


End file.
